There may be elements of your loved one’s death that, in the moment, you perceived as traumatic and terrifying. Avoidance is a large factor in the development and maintenance of anxiety. Many mistakenly think that if they make efforts to avoid their feelings for long enough these unpleasant emotions will be kept at bay or fade away, when in actuality deliberate attempts to suppress certain thoughts often make them more likely to surface.
Now please note I say “perceive to be painful or threatening,” these judgements are often subjective and what is perceived as threatening to one may seem totally irrational to another.”Īlthough grief is always unpleasant and uncomfortable, for some there are aspects that actually seem threatening and these perceptions can lead to attempts to control or avoid frightening feelings and reactions. Although avoidance can be useful in certain scenarios, for many it can become a harmful cycle that persists to the detriment of personal healing. These are internal experiences that are perceived to be painful or threatening and might include fears of losing control, being embarrassed, or physical harm and thoughts and feelings including shame, guilt, hopelessness, meaninglessness, separation, isolation, etc. “Experiential avoidance is an attempt to block out, reduce or change unpleasant thoughts, emotions or bodily sensations. As we noted in a previous article about avoidance… When we talk about avoidance in grief we are usually referring to experiential avoidance. I want to start by discussing avoidance because the act of avoidance is involved in perpetuating all of the scenarios to follow. …you are trying to avoid unpleasant thoughts, memories, and emotions. People experience anxiety after the death of a loved one for a number of reasons and, you guessed it, we’d like to discuss a few of them here today.Īfter the death of a loved one, you may experience anxiety because… For one year I held my breath and prepared for the worst, knowing that my mother’s death was not a possibility but a probability. Using a personal example, I remember feeling panic-like anxiety when my father told me of my mother’s terminal cancer diagnosis, and then the slow hum of persistent anxiety in the weeks and months afterwards as my family frantically searched for treatments and clinical trials. Maybe this isn’t one particularly traumatic moment, but a prolonged period of time when you experienced ongoing apprehension and worry, upon worry, upon worry.
#TWO STEPS FROM HELL AM I NOT HUMAN TV SHOW HOW TO#
Even the bravest people feel fear and anxiety, they just know how to navigate the experience more exquisitely than most.Īre you still with me? Okay good, now take a second and think backwards to a time when you experienced the thoughts and sensations of fear and anxiety in your grief. Perhaps your thoughts start running through all the worst potential outcomes and you think to yourself… Maybe your stomach starts doing cartwheels, your heart begins to race, or your breathing becomes rapid.
Now think about the thoughts and sensations you typically experience right before doing this thing that scares you this is your fear and anxiety at work. Perhaps it’s the thought of giving a speech in front of a crowd, taking a test, asking your crush out on a date, or jumping out of an airplane. Even if you’re mostly fearless, everyone’s got something.
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